You won’t know how intense and unconditional you can love a child until you become a mother. There are no excuses.
Whether you carried your child for months before birth or you saw their face for the first time at an orphanage – when you submit yourself to motherhood, loving your child would be the best feeling in the world. I still look at my son and cannot believe I’ve been carrying a miracle for months.
I remember waking up one day after finding out about my pregnancy and telling my partner, “is it normal to already love the baby this early and this much?”
It was. You’re a mother, carrying and growing your baby. You can’t feel it yet, but their heart is beating inside you. And, one day, you will get to hold them and hear their heartbeat near yours. That thought alone will get you through depression and stress and sadness.
And now, here I am with my son – five months of learning how to love and laugh together.
Of course, it’s not easy. Being a new and young mum isn’t all rainbows and butterflies – even if that’s what I want for my son, I can’t have that for myself. Disagreements and a change of wavelength with my partner are like an elephant in the room.
Already having two daughters, he wants this and says that and does this and decides that. He’s the alpha male who refuses to ask for my opinion.
Like everything in my life, I choose to talk about it, talk it through. I need to have a say, too. After all, this is our life together and my son we’re talking about. Negotiating and compromising is essential in keeping a relationship healthy.
I consider myself lucky because my partner listens when he sets his alpha male ego aside. I have to continually remind him that this is a merger, a partnership – we need to work together.
Being a millennial mum, even if the pregnancy wasn’t part of my goals, I am brave and steadfast with my love and passion to keep chasing life – only this time, with my son in mind.
Imagine waking up at 6 in the morning, washing bottles and baby clothes – every day. Get ready for the day by 7:30 AM by going to the market to prepare food for your partner. By 9:00 AM, you’re done with house chores and it’s time to hustle for work. This is being a mother – whether you’re young or old, new or old, every day is a Monday.
And even at 10:00 PM, you’re making sure everything is set for your baby. You have to check the diapers and pee-proof the bed, make sure there’s milk in the dispenser and water in the heater.
Being a young mum means being cool – nope. Being a new mum means being a nervous wreck – nope. Being a new and young mum means being optimistic. Your child is not the end of life, but the beginning of a beautiful life-long adventure.
Every day, I feel the growing anxiety of eyes watching me, words attacking me and thoughts filling my head with irrelevant realities. We are in a world where democracy means a judgment to difference. Your best refuge? Your child.
When you’re a mother at 16 or 25 or 40, everything else in the world becomes irrelevant. Regardless if it threatens your peace of mind, your family, your baby – there’s nothing you cannot do to protect everyone near to you.
I used to care what people thought or could say about me whenever I would think back about telling everyone of my pregnancy. My boss’ disappointment, my friends’ dismay, family’s indifference – simple things would trigger my anxiety. Now, I’ve learned to shut out thoughts that could ruin my day.
Now that I am a new and young mum, it’s all about getting through the day to snuggle with my baby through the night. It’s about making sure I fully focus on my baby when I leave work and go to bed.
You don’t have to be the best mum, the super mum or the number one mum. Social media is lying to you. Magazines are just selling you things you don’t need. Your baby doesn’t need everything you think they need – they just need you, your love, your attention and your support.
Next time you feel insecure about an “I am 30 and I don’t want to have children and that’s okay” post on social media, remember that you’re a mother and you have a blessing and it doesn’t matter how old you are and that’s okay, too. Don’t let society tell you otherwise.